Let’s Play… with Matt Leacock! Part 2

Welcome to the second in our series of articles recounting our noble battles with the nefarious mind of Matt Leacock, cooperative game designer extraordinaire. According to rumour, the pacific island Matt bought with his HUGE board game designers income tragically sank beneath the waves under mysterious circumstances.

Our first article, in which we bravely if incompetently attempt to stem the plagues of Pandemic is here. This article follows on from that in an elegant piece of story writing. Or something.

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And so the world realised we had failed. Africa was overwhelmed and Europe was falling fast. Civilisation was collapsing as panic spread. The US held on longest but as the first cases of blue fever hit the East coast and the Los Angeles infection spilled out into the surrounding countryside the country’s stretched infrastructure finally passed breaking point.

As the brave representatives of the World Health Organisation, we did the only thing we could. We grabbed the first helicopter we came across and fled for safety before the lynching began. As we left the coast behind us the question naturally turned to where we would go. Asia had been free of disease when we left, but for how long? Not to mention the helicopter would only be able to carry us so far…?

 

Thom: Don’t worry guys! I know the perfect place: an island a short way off the coast. No one will be there!

Matt: How do you know? And when did you learn to fly a helicopter?

Thom: Oh I… heard about it from a friend. It’s kind of hard to find but I know the way. Also the island tries to drown anyone who lands on it, but don’t worry I’m pretty sure we’ve got this!

Matt: Wait!? Drowns people!?

Thom: Only if you’re slow! I’ve bought you some gear, check under your seats.

Matt: Were you plan-

Marc: Ooo! I’ve always wanted a slide rule!

Matt: Why have you glued feathers on these sandals, Thom? What’s going on?

Thom: You’ll be our Messenger, Matt. You can give cards to people no matter where they are on the island! Marc, you’ll be our engineer, shoring up the island at blistering speed. Chris is our Explorer, he can move diagonally.

Chris: Just call me the Bishop.

Matt: People can move diagonally, that’s a thing people can do. And what cards are you talking about??

Thom: Not on this Island you can’t! And you’ll see when we get there! We need to build sets of the cards so we can find the treasure in the temples. That will stop the island sinking!

Matt: I think I’m starting to feel ill…

Thom: Hoho! A funny reference to our previous game. Don’t worry, everyone’s forgotten about that debacle! Always look forward I say! Even as the ground beneath your feet starts to slip into the water. Just follow me; I know the way! I shall be our Navigator on this visit to the Forbidden Island!

Forbidden Island – Legendary Difficulty

The island itself was… huge. Strange archaic buildings pushed skywards from desolate cliffs or from forests of strange trees. A still smoking volcano was nestled between the sea and a sweeping desert. It was at once beautiful and terrifying. How would we find the treasures in such a vast stretch of land? Parts were already slipping into the water, as though it could sense our presence in the skies above. How can there be time to find everything? There must be some clever plan for how we start this exploration…

 

Thom: Ok guys! Put on your parachutes, and we’ll jump out.

Matt: WHAT!?

Chris: I would be a pretty shoddy explorer if I wasn’t the first one on the island! Geronimo!

Matt: I’m not jumping! Parachutes don’t work at this height!

Thom: Oh for goodness sake Matt, you missed your landing spot! Well, I’m not turning around for you, you’ll have to start over there.* Right, see you down there!

Matt: What are we going to do? Who’s going to fly the helicopter!? Marc…?

 

*Yes, this elaborate story was solely to justify my accidentally starting in the wrong location:

 

I was alone, with no idea how to fly. I didn’t have a choice! I leapt into the azure blue sky and plummeted towards the canopy below. Far too quickly! I yanked the rip cord and the parachute started to unfurl behind me… but I was still travelling too fast. The parachute would surely not have time to save me! Yet I landed without harm, as though I was living through some poorly thought out plot device.

I jumped at a crackling sound coming from my pocket. Pulling out a walkie-talkie, I could hear my compatriots discussing our first moves.

Marc: So looks like this island is dropping pretty quick! The landing zone is already partly submerged, and so are half the temples!

Chris: We’re screw- Ooops! I mean, doomed if we lose the helicopter! A bishop should never swear.

Marc: Right! I’ll go engineer the s**t out of Fool’s Landing.

Chris: Marc!

Marc: Erm… sorry… father? Anyway, hopefully I won’t draw a Waters Rise card and we can secure the temples!

Thom: Marc? What did you get?

Marc: …

Matt: Oh God, please don’t tell me you got a…

Chris: Blasthemy!

Matt: Jesus, Chris –

Chris: Sacrilege! If you weren’t sat the far side of the table, I mean, the far side of the Island from me I’d teach you to watch that filthy mouth of yours!

Marc: So I got a Flame Card! Does anyone else have Flame Cards?

Thom: What’s the other card Marc!?

Marc: Oh it’s just a, you know, nothing too… It’s a Waters Rise card ok!? I’m sorry!

The radio cuts out in a swirl of static. Birds suddenly break from the canopy in fright.

Chris: I am ashamed of all of you.

Thom: So, we shuffle the cards and draw 3 new ones…

Matt: We’ve already lost two temples! I feel like this isn’t a particularly strong start.

Thom: It’s fine, it’s fine. We can just focus on the ones we have left now. Less to worry about. No sweat.

Matt: Thom, you are literally sweating right now!

Thom: Its just hot in here ok!? I’m opening a window. Chris it’s your turn.

By the time it gets round to me, we’ve already lost one of each of the Temples, and Fools Landing is once again trying to take a dip.

Matt: Well… I can shore up Fools Landing. That’s pretty much it! 3 actions is so limiting!

Ok, good news! I’ve now got three Gold. And a Fire.

Thom: Right, between us we’ve got 4 Fire Cards. We need to get them all together. I can’t help with that, so I’ll secure the Cave of Shadows so we don’t instantly lose.

Matt: Your bedroom’s fine Thom, what do you mean? Oh it’s where the Fire treasure is.

Thom: Funny! God – I mean: bother! Another Waters Rise! Marc, you gonna need to get engineering!

Marc: It is getting pretty damp around your area Thom. Well I need to give Chris this Fire Card so he can grab the treasure, and you’re too far away anyway. Just hold on! We… don’t need those tiles anyway. Right?

Matt: Ok. Well I can’t do anything exciting right now

Chris: Just like in real life!

Matt: …

Chris: Sorry, that was a joke…

Matt: but if I get lucky and draw anoth-

Chris: …based on real events!

Matt: DRAW ANOTHER gold then I’ll have a set. First though, who wants my fire?

Chris: I’ve got some fire!

Matt: And you’re near the temple. Ok I give my fire to Chris…

Marc: Yeah we got the fire, fire, fire…!

Matt: And in the mean time I’m going to wait on the gold temple and hope… God damn it, no Gold. Although, two helicopter lifts will come in handy!

Marc: And we gonna let it burn, burn, burn, burn…!

Thom: I still don’t have anything useful.

Chris: Just like in…

Matt: We get it Chris!

Marc: Secure! Secure! Secure!

Thom: Right. Chris…

Chris: Fire time! And I can get there thanks to my Bishop powers!

The first treasure! Maybe things are starting to look up?

Thom: OK! I’ve got another Gold!

Matt: Quick! Give it to me! Give it to me!

Thom: Yes. No! I can’t give you it until next turn. Then we’ve got to wait for it to get back round to you so you can collect the treasure.

Matt: And by then we’ll have no island. So what do we do?

Thom: … you give me all the Gold…

Matt: Uh-hu…

Thom: …and then I take the treasure.

Matt: That sounds convenient for you. Surely you didn’t suggest we come here just for you to collect the treasure?

Thom: Of course not!

He titters nervously.

Thom: What kind of a person would be chasing treasure after the collapse of civilisation.

Chris: *Gasp!* Is Thom the traitor!?

Marc: I didn’t think this game had a traitor mechanic?

Thom: It doesn’t! Look guys I’m just trying to save us all from drowning!

Matt: OK, ok. So I use all my actions to give you 3 Gold, and fly you to The Whispering Gardens with my emergency airlift.

Thom: Yes! And I take the Gold Statue! Mwahahaha it’s mine! It’s all mine! I mean ours. Its all ours. Good job guys. Hey, why don’t I go secure our route to the landing zone so we don’t all lose.

Chris: I took the keys when we left so don’t you try flying away.

Thom: Goddamnit! I mean… that’s not a problem at all Chris. The thought never crossed my mind…

 

We had two treasures, but we were still trying to scrape together enough cards for the final two. The waters were rising ever faster and it was getting ever harder to keep a route back to the landing zone open.

Matt: Blurble flurbobble.

Chris: What was that?

Matt: Well… *splutter*… the Whispering Gardens has sunk. Thank goodness we got that treasure in time. Oh I found these blue cards. They’re a bit soggy now though…

Marc: Oh God! Another Waters Rise card!

Matt: Oh man… we’ve only got a 50/50 chance of the Temple of the Sun surviving this round!

Thom: But we’ve got the set of Rock cards!!

Marc: And 5 places are being drawn…

Everyone holds their breath

Marc: Mmmpth bmnnthmff.

Marc stops holding his breath in order to narrate

Marc: Ok… here goes… Gold Gate! 4 left… Crimson Forest! Ok we’ll need that to get back to the helicopter but not bad. Phantom Rock! Another part of the island lost but almost there! 2 left… Coral Palace. Crap, but we’ve not lost it. Finally last one…

Everyone is starring desperately at the deck, praying for the Temple of the Sun to just wait a little longer… 

Marc: Fools Landing! We’re ok we made it!

Thom: Go! Go! Go! Grab the rock treasure!

Matt: You know, we still need to get the blue cup.

Chris: …and another Waters Rise.

We watch in silence as Fools Landing sinks below the waves.

Matt: Rats.

Or words to that effect

Marc: You know, I never did work out how the helicopter landed over there.

Chris: Guess it doesn’t really matter now.

Thom: So…

Matt: What do we do now? The islands still sinking! And now we’re trapped!

Thom: At least I got my gold.

 

Trapped on a sinking island with the sound of Matt Leacock’s laughter echoing in their ears (do your game boxes do that too? I’m starting to get creeped out…), will our heroes escape? Find out in the next, dramatic instalment! At some point soon…